Sex Therapy and Forgiveness of Others
Today sex therapy is known to have been founded by Masters and Johnson (1970), whos published report on a “new” therapeutic approach to sexual problems, revolutionized what health professionals saw as the appropriate treatment for sexual dysfunction. In contrast to psychoanalytical approaches, the new sex therapy was relatively brief, problem focused, direct and behavioral with regard to technique. Ultimately, the large majority of sexual difficulties were seen as arising from a sexually restrictive or religiously orthodox upbringing.
The result shows lack of communication with sexual partners, little to no information about normal sexual function and performance anxiety. The new therapy’s main focus was to reeducate and lessen anxiety over performance.
In 1974 Helen Kaplan used Masters and Johnson’s new therapy and elaborated her version with a direct approach to symptom treatment that worked. Nonetheless, many clients resisted the new behavioral techniques and the therapist relied on other methods of theory and interpersonal roles of sexual dysfunction. In other words, clients with serious underlying causes did not respond well to direct intervention.
Also in 1970, Masters and Johnson included a short-term but thorough therapy session with couples. Their session gave each couple knowledge regarding human anatomy and physiology in addition to general counseling. Masters and Johnson also believed therapists should work as a couple (male and female) therefore the therapy session involved cotherapists and the couple.
Additionally, the intervention consisted of direct behavioral exercises, including prescription of nondemand pleasuring, or “sensate focus,” wherein the objective was to (re)experience sexual pleasure without anxiety from performance demand or excessive self-monitoring of sexual performance. Essentially, clients were aided and encouraged to (re)discover theirs and their partner’s bodies for sexual pleasure. This was accomplished through a series of specific directions that resulted in pleasurable sensual and sexual experiences.
As reported by Masters and Johnson (1970), the rates of success with the new sex therapy were remarkably high. Overall, it appeared that their failure rate was only 20% for all sexual dysfunctions combined. The result of Masters and Johnson’s work was a set of specific sex-therapy techniques and a general enthusiasm within the clinical community about the promise of sex therapy to alleviate clients’ sexual problems. Their approach was quickly embraced by a large proportion of health professionals, a phenomenon probably spurred by sociopolitical factors, such as a greater cultural emphasis on personal fulfillment and openness in discussing sexuality, as well as the incredible success rates they reported.
A lot has changed in the last 25 years after Masters and Johnson’s report. Now there is a greater focus on increased sexual gratification and openness to discuss sexual issues. Back then clients were relatively young and educated but the main issues were anorgasmia for women and premature ejaculation for men. Their treatment was direct and problem solving, for many clients they just needed to be reeducated with a positive attitude toward sex, so the outcome was for the most a positive one.
In the 1980’s came the birth of the contemporary sex therapy due to the medias attention to issues regarding sexual enhancement with topics such as orgasm, sexual satisfaction and ways to achieve them. Due to the cultural changes, many therapists type of client changed in the ’80’s. Many people whose sexual problems would of been addressed by the direct approach found assistance through the mass media leaving only the clients with more pervasive and chronic sexual problems needing sex therapy.
The sex therapists’ new caseloads consisted of erectile failure, low sexual desire and compulsive sexual behavior. Thus therapeutic approaches changed with the more complex, relationship-bound problems that sex therapists were facing. Also early sexual trauma causing sexual dysfunction needed to be address changing their treatment methods to include bibliotherapy, group therapy and medication for sexual issues.
Insurance companies will profit from urologist and gynecologists before sex therapist. Pharmaceutical companies will gain from selling medication. Due to social ideas over sexual dysfunctions, many people would rather be diagnosed with a medical problem than a psychological one.
How to Begin to Forgive through Sex Therapy: The therapeutic use of forgiveness in sex therapy requires a client’s readiness to seek or grant forgiveness. A skilled therapist will use forgiveness to assess their client in terms of openness and readiness in terms of development, timing and religion.
There is an unsure emotion how the client feels toward their partner and the love-hate relationship that makes forgiveness complicated through sex therapy. If you are angry and unhappy, it is in your own self interest to let go of these feelings. Many people feel a sense of release and a feeling of freedom from the negative emotions that consumed them. When you hold on to the anger you are in turn letting your partner control your emotions and continue to hurt you.
Often, anger and a desire for revenge or for justice so dominate a victim’s consciousness that they prevent her from pursuing a satisfying and constructive life. To dissipate anger and hatred through forgiveness allows you to resume an emotionally healthier life. In these therapeutic uses of forgiveness, you are not necessarily forgiving the offender in a moral sense, but are using a forgiveness strategy to help you overcome anger that is detrimental to your well-being and to that of others whom your anger affects adversely, such as close family members. There are, of course, many strategies for dissipating anger”not all of which involve forgiveness”and they may serve the therapeutic purposes equally well.
Because forgiveness, repentance, and atonement are derived largely from religious traditions, counselors should evaluate the potential usefulness of these processes on the basis of each client’s religious.
Sex Therapy..The Therapeutic Use of Forgiveness: Forgiveness is theoretically a 4 step course that breaks unhealthy developmental and relationship patterns and to promote healing. The steps help the clients intuitiveness and understanding about sexual behavior, sexual disease, sexual issues while providing an opportunity for compensation and giving them the authority to act on the forgiveness.
Many of the more important issues affecting people today one way or another are related to sex. Ironically, encompassing both mortality and morbidity associated with sexually transmitted disease and overpopulation. Men and women in relation to sex suffer from lack of control over their sexual health and a need for sexual science is greater today than it has ever been.
Not everyone believes that we have intrinsic worth forever, irrespective of their behavior, and that the intrinsic worth notion will not facilitate their forgiving someone whom they feel has behaved in an evil way. Moreover, at some point, it becomes logically difficult to disconnect and differentiate the sin from the sinner, especially when the sinner is a chronic one. Sins do not have an independent existence”they are things done by people. The occasional sin done by an essentially good person may be considered an aberration”the sin doesn’t really reflect the character of the person who did it. But when the sinner repeats the sin again and again, why should we not have negative feelings?
Nonetheless, if done successfully you will be able to forgive the offender and find compassion for them. If you forgo the pain and the right to punish them, it will save others from negative consequences and conflict. A gift to not only your partner, but to your children as well.
Let me get this straight, I am not talking about sexual abuse, rape or murder, but much less offenses like ingratitude, insensitivities or a miss perception of one’s intentions. Are these offenses really worth all that anger and resentment? Forgiveness does work in multi-stages and influenced by factors over a long period of time. It can not be an all or nothing matter which you forgive or you don’t, it will have many advances, retreats and diversions.
Another possible benefit of forgiveness is that, in the process of reflecting on the weaknesses of the offender, you might come to embrace the wisdom of the virtue of humility. You might find yourself thinking along these lines: I should keep in mind the fundamental weakness of human nature. We all have a propensity to be selfish and to thereby hurt others. It isn’t easy to be good, kind, caring, and sensitive. I must be humble and realize that I too am an imperfect person, even if not to the same degree as the person who offended me.
I might behave in a similarly offensive way under some circumstances. I should also bear in mind that someday I might be in a position in which I will have done wrong to another and will want to be treated with empathy and compassion by my victim. If, when I relate to an offender, I don’t allow empathy and compassion to influence my reactions, then I should not expect others to act in that spirit toward me. I shall forgive so that I will be forgiven. The ultimate goal of the forgiveness process is the gift of love extended by the victim to the perpetrator. If you fear that by forgiving you will appear weak, in the sense of making the offender more prone to take advantage of or attack you again, then you can forgive without letting him know that you have done so, or by taking precautionary measures to protect yourself.
Your clients main concern is that to forgive is to condone the offense or perceive to condone it. They can forgive their partner without condoning what they have done. To forgive someone and give them a second chance does not erase the offense, but rather to hope for improvement….so let your forgiveness mean a change for the better.
Does the client fear losing their victim status? It is better for them to lead a normal life than one by the offenses they have suffered. Let their personality shine without relying on having been someones victim. Don’t let victim-hood prevent them from forgiving…shortfalls of forgiveness may contribute to increased difficulties in maintaining and repairing mental and sexual health.
Today sex therapy is in a crisis because it is not taken seriously. Most therapists treat sexual relationships over sexual dysfunctions. What is the difference between treatment with Viagra and sex therapy? Sex therapy deals with couples insecurities, non-communication, resentments and inappropriate sexual implications. But in some cases, Viagra is all a therapist needs to do for a couples happy ending.
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